I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize