Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize