SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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