the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
