it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
