Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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