i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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