Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
