This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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