I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You are a genius and a whore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
