True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize