just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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