I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
