there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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