just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
