man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
