But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
