@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
