I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
