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guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
