there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Boobs are out for the taking
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is Oprah even human
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
