She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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