Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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