i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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