1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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