I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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