I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
