i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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