Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
