would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
