Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
