I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
