Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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