My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
