I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
