I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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