Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Everything about him screamed your future.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
