I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
