I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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