so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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