At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
