dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
