So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
