im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
