you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
