It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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