Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
