Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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