He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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