There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
