R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
