i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
