Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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