I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
