So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
