You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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