her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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