that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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