don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
