So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
