don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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