hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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