He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
