those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
