Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
