you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize