Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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