you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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