I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
