The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
