...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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