When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
