1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
