Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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