Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
