do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
