I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
