when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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