dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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