Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
