I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
