you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
