plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
