i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
