my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
