i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
