hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
