The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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