so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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