i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
