just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
