Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
