I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Alive.
So much puke
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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