so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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