i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
